How Tetris Applies to Your Wedding

Over the years, I've become mistakenly known as a bit of an expert at weddings (I say mistakenly not because I'm feigning humility, but because I'm realistic about what I do and do not know.) That being the case, friends recently asked my advice on how to fit a family member into their wedding without making him/her a bridesmaid or groomsman. Every couple has posed this question at some point in their wedding, how do we fit everyone/everything into the wedding? This, my dear friends, is how a good Tetris strategy comes in handy.



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Tetris not only applies to fitting people into your wedding, but ideas and traditions. For example, say your mother-in-law-to-be has a family tradition that has been passed down since the Mayflower that she would like to be incorporated into the wedding, or the chain of luck will be turned into a continued curse for generations. Added to this scenario is the fact that your bride/groom has a cousin that MUST be invited into the wedding party somehow, or half of his/her family will not even bother showing up to the blessed event.

I'm sure the easiest way to handle this is to say "Screw this, we're going to Vegas!" But, for most, if not ALL couples, this is not a realistic idea. It's true that this is YOUR wedding, and that it should be focused on YOUR desires; however, this is also a family event, and it is a fusion of two differently shaped worlds being eternally bound into one. So what's a couple to do?

I'll give you the same advice I give to all couples (most of this was passed down from older, wiser folks, such as my parents and other couples):

1) HAVE A FAMILY MEETING RIGHT OFF THE BAT: I know the common idea is not to stir the pot before it boils, but I feel like a lot of arguments could be avoided if both sets of parents met with the bride and groom beforehand to discuss how things are going to go. The suggestion posed to me was to give each set of parents a piece of paper and have them write down what they want in the wedding, with the understanding that, ultimately, it is the couple's decision. I suggest telling them beforehand how many suggestions you resolve to fit into the wedding, so as to set the rules of Tetris ahead of time. Mothers-in-law/Fathers-in-law, try to remember that this is the most important day of your son's/daughter's lives, and that you had your day already. Brides and Grooms, try to be thoughtful of what this also means to your parents, they have awaited this day longer than you have and should be considered. That doesn't mean you should let them take control, but it also doesn't mean you should disregard them. Not to mention, an early compromise is a great tool for starting off the marriage with respect on all sides.

2) FIND A MEDIATOR/"NO PERSON": This piece of advice falls in with the first, find someone who can both play the protector and the enforcer in the wedding planner. People will naturally want to give input into the wedding, especially if they're family; and sometimes they can get pushy. Get someone to defend you, ward off the crazy when it comes, and make sure the square isn't trying to fit into a straight line space. If you have a wedding planner/coordinator, he/she usually assumes this role naturally. However, if you don't have such a person, find a reliable friend or family member that you know has your back, is bold, but is also gentle and likeable. I strongly advise finding a friend as inviting as they are aggressive, because you don't want doilies everywhere, but you also don't want your Grandmother to run away and never speak to you again.

3) DON'T UNDERESTIMATE THE POWER OF "THE LITTLE JOBS": Perhaps you don't want the bride's/groom's cousin on the stage with you the whole time, but that doesn't mean there isn't a place for them. Say, for instance, that cousin is bat-crap crazy but has a really great voice. Maybe let them sing a duet with the person you have singing a special. Or there are plenty of other things you can let them do: guest book, cake cutter, candle lighter, usher, let them help decorate, let them help drag the flower girl/ring bearer down the aisle in a wagon, etc. One important key in this part of Tetris is to make them feel apart even if they're not officially in the wedding party. I'm not saying you should be deceptive, but even telling them to wear the same color as the wedding party may make them feel special, and will help them stand out from other guests.

I found this on mightyheaton.com and thought it
was so clever!! It concerns ushering, but I think it applies:)

Of course, if you've read my past blogs, you'll say "But Sheri, didn't you name the first three job options as 'The 3 Worst Jobs at a Wedding'?" (I've been reminded of my own stupid words a lot lately.) But here's where that needs clarifying: are any of those jobs really bad or useless? Dear friends, all jobs at a wedding are wonderful in my eyes!! Any role a person can play in a wedding should be an honor to them, and a blessing to the couple, and I will HAPPILY do any of them (YOU HEAR ME, JOSH AND EMILY?!)

Yes, the "little jobs" can be tedious, but if there's anything I've learned, it's that doing them reduces greats amount of stress on the couple and allows the game of Tetris to run smoother. Being a guest book keeper or cake cutter allows you to help manage the blocks falling into place, and it allows the family to enjoy the merging of the pieces without wondering how they're going to fit.

As to the other pieces of advice, I can't guarantee they'll work every time. To a point, a wedding will always be a stressful event, and the more people that are involved, the greater the chance of crazy to occur. However, when managed thoughtfully and strategically, a wedding can be fun, and the more people that are involved, the longer the conga line! GAME ON!!