Top 3: Worst Jobs at a Wedding

I have performed every kind of job possible in a wedding. I have been a flower girl, a bridesmaid, the punch server, you name it. But here, I compile the Top 3 Worst Jobs at a wedding. (Keep in mind, this is from my own personal experiences, other people may have a different opinion.) Also, as a note, if you have asked me to do one of these jobs in the past, I do not hate you or resent you in any way. Nor do I refuse to ever do these jobs in the future. It's your day, any thing I can do to help, I will:)                

The #3 WORST Job at a wedding is: GUESTBOOK KEEPER.
   Now, before you flip out and think "how hard is it to stand there and watch people sign a book?!" let me elaborate. The job of a Guestbook Keeper can go one of two ways: 1) You can stand there, watching experienced wedding goers who know what to do sign the book, and feel unnecessary and bored out of your mind; or 2) You can be frustrated because the line isn't going fast enough and the people behind them are getting impatient (it's happened to me several times).
  These days, people have come up with many new ideas to revolutionize the Wedding Guestbook. Some couples have their guests sign a picture frame encasing a picture of the lovely couples themselves. I recently attended (and served as Guestbook Keeper at) a wedding where the bride and groom had each guest sign a quilt square, to be afterward turned into a quilt to commemorate their wedding day. These ideas are wonderful and creative. The only issue with these ideas is that guests take a much longer time gathering their thoughts, making sure the pen or marker is working (which, inevitably, it won't), and write a beautiful DISSERTATION over how excited they are for the couple. As Guestbook Keeper, this can get a little stressful, seeing as how the people behind the literary poet or critic just want to sign their names and sit down. And because you are the nearest wedding official, the guests assumed that you made the inadequate pen or marker and ask you what you can do about it...the answer is usually "nothing."

The #2 Worst Job at a wedding is: CAKE CUTTER.
Below, I have an example of a typical, modern, wedding cake. It is beautiful, elegant and really delicious to eat. The only problem is, IT'S SUCH AN AWKWARD SHAPE!

It's not like a sheet cake, where you need only to make little squares across the top. With this cake, there's a certain way it MUST be  cut.
    Now we all know the guests come for the cake. Of course they love you and they enjoy watching you take one of the most important steps of your life, but all they're really thinking about as they sit through your hour long ceremony is "I can't wait to get the heck outta here and ruin my diet on cake!" This being the case, people are very particular when it comes to their slices of wedding cake. That fact makes a Cake Cutter's job very intense. In my experiences, I've cut the slice too small (making the guest angry); in other cases, I've cut it too large (making the caterer angry, not to mention the guest who saw "that other guy's slice" and want one just as big); and the worst scenario of all is when the cake falls apart as I cut it, leaving a huge glob of cake-like substance on someone's plate. You would think no one would mind since it's all going to the same place, but for some reason wedding guests want to eat their cake while it's still "pretty." *SHRUG*

The #1 Worst Job at a wedding is: CANDLE LIGHTER.
I think you all know what I'm talking about when I mention "The Candle Lighter" job at a wedding. It involves marching down the aisle with a long, torch-like device and lighting a ridiculous number of candles in an even more ridiculously elaborate candle stand. Below, I have a small example of such a stand (take this image and add more candles to where the stand would be 7 feet tall and 4 feet wide.)

Fortunately,  candle lighting is rarely part of weddings nowadays, but growing up I saw it a lot.  For those who have never had this job, let me describe to you the thoughts running through a Candle Lighter's head. First of all, we don't want to light the candle sculpture any more than you want to watch us do it. We know that you drove a long way to get to the wedding and would rather it be over so you can grab your CAKE and go home. Secondly, the sculpture is wicked daunting, because we know that at least 10 out of the 27 candles are not going to light the first time around, and 4 out of the 10 won't light the second or third time around. So we're standing on the stage, in frustration, because the candles won't light, the bride is ready to go and the guests are glaring at us, waiting for us to screw up and wishing we weren't even there. By the time we've given up and walked off the stage, the audience is already against us, and inevitably someone is gonna come up to us afterward and say something like, "Man, you sure had a hard time with that fifth candle didn't ya?" Or even, "Was it necessary for you to light those DURING the ceremony? Why couldn't you have lighted those before?"
Yes, people, WE KNOW we were a waste of time, no need to rub it in our faces.

Bonus:
In honor of my roommate, Angela, I am going to add a bonus Job to our list. BRIDESMAID. Personally, I don't mind being a bridesmaid, but it is a very difficult job. Even the GOOD brides can have stressful weddings and the bridesmaids will pay dearly: financially and emotionally. There will always be one more shower to pay for, a dress size to maintain and one night's less sleep to catch up on. Of course, it all comes with the territory and we want to make sure the bride has the wedding of her dreams, but there's no denying it can be a stressful job.

SO, the moral of this story is, be nice to the people who are serving in a wedding! So what if your slice of cake wasn't as gorgeous as it was when it was attached to the rest of the cake? Say "thank you" and move on. And don't ever cross a Candle Lighter, it's not their fault if the bride and groom want to waste time during their ceremony, and it's never wise to tick off someone in control of fire!