"Do I HAVE To Choose A Side?"

In a traditional wedding, it is customary for the bride's family and friends to sit on the side she stands on, likewise for the groom's family and friends. For example, the bride is usually to the left of the groom, therefore the bride's loved ones sit on the left side of the church. I have heard multiple reasons for this tradition.

1) Back in the day, a marriage was a political union, and depending on how rich the bride was, it was a well-guarded ceremony. The groom was placed on the right of the bride as a defensive strategy, so that if the bride's life (or we could say, "his investment") was at stake, he, his groomsmen and the rest of his posse could easily access their weapons and attack. I would LOVE to see a dramatization of this scenario at a wedding today, complete with an "attack," forcing a sword fight to ensue!

2) The other reason for this tradition is to symbolize the idea that a bride and groom's loved ones are behind them, supporting them in their decision. It also symbolizes their future support of the couple's marriage.

Now, the real issue today is, "Do I HAVE to choose a side?" More than likely, no swashbuckling pirates are going to disrupt the ceremony, looking to strike the couple down with swords. And one of the biggest complaints I hear from wedding guests is that they want to see their loved one's face as he/she takes his/her vows and sitting behind them prevents this privilege. Another issue with this tradition is the scenario in which a guest is equally close to both the bride and groom. What then? When the usher asks "bride or groom" do you start going back through your history with both to determine which one you're closest to? "I met Jeff in May, but we didn't become good friends until after Jane and I hit it off in July;" or, "I've known them both my whole life but I once dated Lauren's brother and it didn't end well, so does that mean there's a slight rift between us?"

Luckily, some modern couples have come up with solutions to these issues. A few weddings I've been to have not been divisive in seating arrangements. The couple has told the ushers not to bother asking which side a guest would prefer, but simply where they would like to sit. This way, the guest can choose that perfect spot for that photo opportunity or to get a good view of the person they would like to see.

One strategy I have grown to LOVE is when the preacher stands on the floor during the ceremony, while the bride and groom stand on the stage. This way, the couple will still be looking to the preacher for guidance but are also facing the guests, making their faces and expressions available to be viewed and photographed throughout the wedding. Everyone wants to see the looks on the bride's face as she becomes a wife. And nobody wants to miss the look on the groom's face when he pledges his life to his new bride. Not to mention, the KISS! This way, everyone wins.

So for those future wedding guests out there who are still facing the dilemma of "which side should I choose" my solution to you is, grab a friend and play "Rock, Paper, Scissors." That's how I deal decisions in MY life!