Cute, Annoying, and the Fine Line that Separates Them

In 1987, ABC came out with the TV series Full House as part of their TGIF program. This show featured a widowed father, Danny Tanner, his three daughters, his brother-in-law Jesse and his best friend Joey. However, if you ask any American alive at that time what he/she remembers most about the show, they will respond with one name, Michelle. Michelle Tanner, the youngest of the Tanner daughters, (played by the now famous Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen) was the center of the show. Her blond haired, blue eyed toddler cuteness overwhelmed audiences and the show was renamed The Michelle Show in many homes. Ever since, Americans have developed, what I like to call, The Michelle Syndrome; meaning, a show/event must have an adorable child in it in order for it to be worthwhile. The presence of infantile flower girls and ring bearers proves that weddings are no exception.

Having a child in a wedding can be an adorable! There's nothing like the presence of a Michelle at center stage to really put the "aww" factor into a ceremony. Of course, Michelle Tanner was always adorable, always on cue, always obedient and always composed. But what happens when Michelle gets scared? What if she gets shy? What if she forgets how to walk a few feet? What if she gets distracted by a fly? What if it turns out she can't walk at all? These are realities that must be faced when choosing participants in a wedding ceremony. 

Children are unpredictable, and though it may be cute in some circumstances, it can become annoying very quickly; especially in a wedding. That two year-old nephew may make an ideal ring bearer on paper, but what happens the moment the music starts? Will he still be cute when everyone in the wedding party has to break formation, go back up the aisle and get him? I have been to so many weddings where five minutes of the ceremony is spent with the groom, the bridesmaids and even the pastor stooping down, saying, "C'mon. C'mon. C'mon." 

This is the moment where the Michelle Syndrome breaks down. The wedding guests no longer see this child as the adorable Michelle, but see him/her more as a Damian from The Omen. When the baby starts crying because it doesn't know what to do, the audience may feel pity for the poor piece of preciousness, but ultimately they're thinking, "someone just go get her!"

There are a few solutions to this problem:

Solution #1—Set an age limit.

Only include children in your wedding who can function on their own. Don't choose a baby who just took his/her first steps the day before. It won't be cute twenty minutes later when they finally get to the end.

Solution #2—Pick a child who is mature enough to handle it.

Just because your niece is old enough for the job, doesn't mean she's mature enough for it. If the F.G. or R.B. is 10, but has bad stage fright, for Heaven's sake, let the child sit out! The ring bearer could be an old man and still be unfit for the job. Be discerning.

Solution#3—Use alternative transportation for underaged participants.

If you really feel convicted that your cousin's two week-old daughter needs to be in your wedding, that's cool. Just get creative with how it will go down. I've been to a wedding where the maid of honor dragged the ring bearer and flower girl down the aisle in a wagon. That's cute and effective. In fact, that, in itself, is cuter.

So, the moral of the story is, the line between a child being cute and being annoying in a wedding is very fine. I love children and love a good Michelle in the wedding, but even I am bothered when I, as a guest, feel like I should leave my seat to help the child to his/her place. 

The wedding couple should also remember that they are supposed to be the center of attention. Even if the child gets where he/she needs to go, you don't want him/her to pull attention away from you during your day. Your wedding day should not be The Michelle Show, it should be yours. So choose wisely.