My Dream Wedding (the Wedding to End All Weddings) and What It's Gonna Cost Me.

I know it's been a while since I last updated this blog, but I haven't had a lot of time to dedicate to it (however, do not make the mistake of thinking I don't have plenty of material:). I felt led this morning to share something God has put on my heart concerning weddings. Now, before you get confused, this post is not a typical "opinionated"articulation of what I think of weddings. It's more of an open-hearted confession and "working out of salvation" and faith. Be ye warned!

As much as I'm known for my wedding attendance, I'm also known for my dreams; and last night, I had one that rocked me.


I had a dream that I was standing in front of a full-length mirror in an empty room. I was wearing a wedding dress I had seen the day before in a friend's online wedding album and after being attended by this friend I was left alone in the room. I was admiring the dress I was wearing and (I can honestly say) humbly admiring myself in it. After a few moments of emotional wonder and satisfaction at what I knew would be the day dreams came true, I looked in the reflection and noticed someone standing in the doorway. Without being able to give an accurate description (because there frankly isn't one), I knew it was Jesus. He was smiling at me, in a loving and proud manner, but with a countenance that said, "Follow me." I, with a few moments of pause and reflection, stepped out of the dress, took off the veil and followed Him out the door.

Needless to say, I awoke this morning blown away.

To clarify, I wanna describe what I mean by His "follow me" look, because in that moment, I knew exactly what He was asking me to do. In the New Testament, when Jesus asked someone to follow Him, it was never as simple as taking a stroll with Him. When Jesus asked people to follow Him, it was symbolic of leaving everything behind, abandoning your ownership of self and going where He went. We see this in Matthew 8 with the teacher of the Law, pledging himself to Jesus but wanting to go take care of his family after his father's death. Jesus' response was, "Follow me, and let the dead bury their own." (Matthew 8:22) We see it with the rich, young ruler in Luke 18 when Jesus tells him in order to follow Him, he must give up everything he owns and dedicate himself fully to Christ. Of course, we also see it in the calling of His disciples as Jesus walks up to them in their daily routines, says "follow me" and they drop everything immediately.

Jesus was not asking these men to hate their families, their careers and their comfort, at least not in the way we view hate. He asked them to give it up for His glory's sake, to love Him so much more than all that it can be seen as hatred (just like He was asking me to give up what I was doing.) That if they truly wanted to share in His glory, they had to share in His sacrifice. They were called to drop dreams, goals, provision and loved ones in order to give themselves fully over to His glory.

A few months ago, I went through a study with my roommates and a few other friends called The Basics by Francis Chan. We spent a few weeks dedicated to the idea of the cost of following Christ. During this time, we meditated on the following passage.
        
   Large crowds were traveling with Jesus, and turning to them he said: “If  
    anyone comes to me and does not hate father and mother, wife and children, 
    brothers and sisters—yes, even their own life—such a person cannot be my 
    disciple. And whoever does not carry their cross and follow me cannot be my  
    disciple. “Suppose one of you wants to build a tower. Won’t you first sit down 
    and estimate the cost to see if you have enough money to complete it? For if   
    you lay the foundation and are not able to finish it, everyone who sees it will 
    ridicule you, saying, ‘This person began to build and wasn’t able to finish.’

    “Or suppose a king is about to go to war against another king. Won’t he first 

    sit down and consider whether he is able with ten thousand men to oppose 

    the one coming against him with twenty thousand? If he is not able, he will 

    send a delegation while the other is still a long way off and will ask for terms 

    of peace. In the same way, those of you who do not give up everything you 

    have cannot be my disciples. 

                —Luke 14:25-33

  After reading these words of Jesus, the question was posed, what is YOUR cost of following Christ? Before deciding to follow Christ, we need to count the cost like a tower building or a warring king. As John Piper points out in his sermon, "The Radical Cost of Following Christ," each person seems to have a different sacrifice to make. The rich, young ruler was asked to give all his money (whereas, Jesus was satisfied with Zacchaeus only giving 50%), the potential disciple was asked to give up his family and the twelve were asked to give up their jobs and futures.


SO, BACK TO THE DREAM! (I know you were waiting to get back to that!) In the dream, Jesus asked me to give up what every girl dreams of, her wedding day. I knew it the moment I saw Him, and at that moment, I had to count up the cost. Jesus was asking me to love Him and desire Him more than the idea of being married, but not just marriage itself. He was asking me to put aside my need for human love, romantic love and the idea of being needed and physically satisfied (because extroverts get their energy through external sources, this doesn't just refer to sex.) It was at that moment, that I had to trust that if I could not have those things, God would replace them with Himself and that it would be worth it. And isn't that the problem? 


We, as Christians, want to pledge our lives to Christ, to sacrifice all for Him and do so with zeal...at the beginning. But when it comes down to it, don't we all wonder if it's truly gonna be worth it? I'm not speaking hypothetically, I'm speaking literally because it's something I've been struggling with lately. After Christ asks the ruler to give up His wealth, He makes some shady-sounding statements about  the impossibility of salvation to man and sacrifice without Christ, that causes Peter to explode in frustration, "WE HAVE LEFT ALL WE HAD TO FOLLOW YOU!" In other words, "I gave up everything, now you're saying we've been following you for nothing?!" However, Jesus replies, Truly I tell you, no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or  parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life. (Luke 18:29-30) 
Jesus says, "Peter! It's worth it! Trust me!"


The question is, do I trust God? Do I trust God with this marriage business? Do I trust Him with my loneliness? Do I trust Him with my friendships?


The thing I feel I need to point out here is that sometimes, God takes away, just give things back. Many times, I've sacrificed things in my walk with Christ, only to have Him hand them back in a way that glorifies Him better, and I've seen Him do it in my family. Years ago, I cried on my bedroom floor, telling God that I gave up my desire to see the world...only to get into college and be allowed to spend my summers in different parts of the country, glorifying Him in planted churches. My dad was asked to give up his passion and goals in teaching and coaching basketball for full-time ministry...and was allowed to start outreach basketball camps for kids and become involved in the local school's athletic department as an assistant coach and announcer.


God may not ask me to give up the wedding dress permanently, but He wants me to be willing if it brings Him the most glory. For different people, it may be different things: Marriage in general; certain relationships; maybe even the types of relationships we desire to have.* But the thing is, God also wants us to know we're not sacrificing in vain. As much as I may want a wedding, I've never been guaranteed an earthly wedding, and (totally paraphrasing a more complexly-worded statement by Jonathan Edwards) God is under no obligation to fulfill promises we've made up for Him.


However, I am guaranteed a wedding, that will outshine any wedding I've been to (since we all know I've been to a lot!) The Bible refers to Jesus as many things: Shepherd, Physician, Lamb, etc. But one certain description is husband. A believer's relationship to Jesus is not just a business transaction, or king and subject, but a relationship of Bride to her Groom. He is not only walking us down the aisle, He is the one we walk toward. And the description of our wedding is out of this world:


  One of the seven angels who had the seven bowls full of the seven last plagues  
  came and said to me, “Come, I will show you the bride, the wife of the Lamb.”  
  And he carried me away in the Spirit to a mountain great and high, and 
  showed me the Holy City, Jerusalem, coming down out of heaven from God. It 
  shone with the glory of God, and its brilliance was like that of a very precious 
  jewel, like a jasper, clear as crystal. —Revelation 21:9-11


Obviously, there's more to it than the extremely small excerpt, but that—in itself—is an amazing description.


So, once again, the difficulty lies with the questions "What's this great wedding gonna cost me?" and "Do I think it'll be worth it?" I can't completely answer that. I still struggle with trusting God with the journey (since He's assured me the destination); and I've been made very aware that it will cost me everything. But I pray that as I grow deeper in my relationship with Christ, I'll not only step reluctantly out of the dress, but jump and run! Pray for me:)


*I forbid ANYONE from using this post as an excuse to break up with their boyfriend/girlfriend. God gets enough unnecessary blame for that